im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You were trust falling into bushes
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
