I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
