it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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