I think I died a long time ago.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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