I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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