I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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