I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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