I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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