Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
