Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
