my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
