i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
