At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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