She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
