you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So apparently I’m into choking now
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
