I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
