It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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