well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
