does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
