you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
