i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
