He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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