so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
