if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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