As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
