I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
