Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
