I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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