You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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