one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
