Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
