his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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