when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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