Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
