She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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