walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
