I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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