Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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