I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
