Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
