I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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