I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
