I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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