4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
