whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
