Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
