How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
