i may or may not be watching the land before time
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
