So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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