We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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