oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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