I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
